Aug 28, 2023 | Blog
Last month we looked at effective parenting in the 21st century. This month we continue with effective parenting looking at practical ways to deal with common behaviours we contend with from our children. If you are hoping for a step-by-step guide, you will be disappointed. The reality is that when it comes to parenting techniques there is no one size fits all approach. Your child is unique. It was Pablo Casals who said, “A child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn’t been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him.”
Children communicate through behaviour. This is how they express their needs, fears, frustrations, and longings. When we recognise this, we can begin to look for the cause of the behaviour and respond. By doing this, we teach children how to self-regulate behaviour. And as with anything in life, if we want to see positive change, we must be consistent over time. So instead of just throwing our hands in the air or resorting to harsh disciplinary measure, or labelling behaviour that challenges us as ‘problem behaviour, we can adjust our responses and assist our children recognise what is ‘fuelling’ their behaviour. L.R Knost said, “Discipline is helping a child solve a problem. Punishment is making a child suffer for having a problem. To raise problem solvers, focus on solutions, not retribution.”
The key to disciplining is to clearly communicate in advance to your child your expectations of behaviour and consequences if the expectations are not met, and then to be consistent with following through with the consequences. When communicated in a respectful manner that reflects the love and concern you have for your child, you are more likely to yield positive outcomes. So, stay calm, tell them why the behaviour is unacceptable, referring to the expectations previously set and what the consequence will be if they are not willing to make the right choice. Encourage your child to talk about what they are feeling, so that you can try to understand why they are behaving in a particular way. There will be wins but expect loses. You can tip the balance in the favour of wins, by being alert to good behaviour. Catch them being good and let them know what you saw and heard and how proud you are of the positive choice they made.
Jul 28, 2023 | Blog
Isn’t it interesting how almost every type of job requires some form of training, whether it be in the form of formal qualification or on the job training; except for parenting! And make no mistake, parenting is a full-time job and a difficult one at that. Without the necessary knowledge and skill, it can be fraught with challenges.
Over the years parenting styles have changed, as have the pressures parents and children face on a day-to-day basis. Societal norms have shifted affecting our way of living, and this has occurred throughout the world. Just a few decades ago it was common for only one parent to work while the other stayed at home caring for the children. Today however, due to several factors, it has become a necessity for both parents to work. This has made it increasingly difficult for parents to find a balance between their children and work.
Balance is defined as, ‘a situation in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.’ How do we create this equilibrium? Is it even possible in this day and age? Well, as with most challenges in life, if we don’t address the issue and make an effort, it is unlikely that change will happen. Creating a structured routine at home, supported by effective communication and discipline is a good starting point.
Stressed out and tired parents can find disciplining their child difficult, but take heart, you are not alone as this is one of the most common problems parents face. A structured routine means that every member of the family has responsibilities, every person contributes towards the smooth running of the routine. Know responsibilities or chores need to be age appropriate; a two-year-old can put his/her soiled clothes into the washing basket at bath time, while a 12-year-old can carry the bin bag outside to the dustbin.
From a young age we need to involve our children in the daily rhythm of life as it plays out in our family. This creates a strong sense of belonging and instils self-discipline. We want our children to feel proud of their space and their accomplishments as contributors to the family. You might be saying to yourself right now, ‘well it’s too late now, I have teenagers’, but no, it’s never too late. The amazing thing about us humans is that we can change!
Don’t miss our next post! We will be looking at practical ways to deal with common behaviours from children that parents often struggle with.
Jun 22, 2023 | Blog
Matthew 6:21 says, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”. I love this verse from the Bible. What it means is, that my time, attention, actions and energy are focused on whatever I value above all else. Have you stopped recently to ask yourself what treasure is stored in your heart?
Young people are developmentally wired to seek new experiences — and if provided with thoughtful guidance, the search for new experiences may be the key to helping them develop a sense of purpose in life. Since June is now known as Youth Month, we have decided to dedicate our blog to encourage our youth find their purpose in life.
The dictionary defines purpose as, ‘the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.’ It can also mean something set up as an object or end to be attained, so why we do something or why something exists.
The development of purpose is interlinked with the development of identity. You must be able to first understand who you are before you can discover what you are meant to be or do. A wise person once told me that, “When identity is questioned then unbelief is born.” The companions of unbelief are anxiety and stress, which lead to confusion. Here at DCYCC we often see young people struggling to discover who they are and questioning why they were even born. Sadly, many allow their past, present, and anticipated future to determine their identity. This is of course a faulty belief, one perpetuated throughout society. We are determined to ensure that they are imbued with the confidence to rise above their circumstance, both past and present and to determine that they will not allow their situation to define who they are.
History is peppered with powerful stories of how people defied laws, limitations, cultural expectations, gender restrictions, etc, and rose above the challenges, and went on to achieve their purpose. Nelson Mandela’s life is one such example that continues to inspire. Finding purpose brings direction, and the confidence to achieve great success in life.
South Africa has come such a long way since 16 June 1976, a day etched in our history, because of the bravery of those young people who found their purpose and were prepared to give their lives for what they believed in.cWe are proud of the many successful stories of our young people and workers who have risen above their challenges and found purpose in life, embracing both the sweet and the bitter phases of their life’s journey.
Below are some inspiring stories that reflect of the outcome when young people set their heart on something, stay focused and achieve remarkable success.
Broken crayons can still colour | Durban Child & Youth Care Centre (dch.org.za)
Hard work and determination the key to Ntombenhle’s success (dch.org.za)
May 23, 2023 | Blog
Stories of a child being abused in some shape or form is reported across all media and social platforms in our country daily. The stories range from truly horrific to……actually, let us be clear….abuse of any form is equally horrific. The physical wounds may heal, in some cases not fully, however the emotional wounds run deep, forever changing the way a child views the world around him or her and his or her place in that world.
We live in a country where figures of reported cases of child abuse are ridiculously high. How did we get to this place? And how can we be part of the change needed to create a world that our children feel safe in.
So, what are the forms of abuse?
Physical Abuse – intentional or careless causing of physical harm.
Emotional/Psychological Abuse – persistent verbal attacks, threats, rejection, isolation, belittling and name calling.
Neglect – failure to provide for basic needs.
Domestic Violence – exposure to emotional threats of or use of physical violence between family members.
Sexual Abuse – the use of power, force or authority to involve a child in any form of sexual behaviour.
The Children’s Amendment Act (13) mandates a wide range of professionals to report any suspicion of child abuse to the authorities. In terms of section 110, ordinary citizens are given the discretion to report abuse but are not compelled to do so. However, the Sexual Offences Act, (14) compels all citizens who are aware of the sexual exploitation of children to report the offence to the police. When must do the right thing. Reporting could very well save a child’s life.
The following are some of the signs that may indicate that a child is experiencing some form of abuse;
1. Changes in behaviour; appears scared, anxious, depressed, withdrawn or more aggressive than usual.
2. Reverting to earlier behaviours; thumb sucking, bedwetting, fear of the dark, or fear of strangers.
3. Fear of going home; apprehension or anxiety to leave school or going places with the person who is abusing them or exhibits an unusual fear of a familiar person or place.
4. Changes in eating; stress, fear, and anxiety can lead to changes in eating behaviour
5. Changes in sleeping; frequent nightmares or difficulty falling asleep, appearing tired or fatigued.
6. Changes in school performance and attendance; difficulty concentrating in school or excessive absences, sometimes due to adults trying to hide the child’s injuries from authorities.
7. Lack of personal care or hygiene; appears uncared for, presents as consistently dirty and has severe body odour, or lacks sufficient clothing for the weather.
8. Risk-taking behaviours; engages in high-risk activities such as drugs and/or alcohol use and/or carrying a weapon.
9. Inappropriate sexual behaviours; exhibits overly sexualized behaviour or uses explicit sexual language and may exhibit symptoms of a genital infection.
10. Unexplained injuries; exhibits unexplained burns or bruises in the shape of objects with unconvincing explanations of how he or she sustained the injury.
Apr 25, 2023 | Blog
‘God gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen twice as much as we talk’.
Listening is an important part of communication because it allows for a better understanding of the message being expressed. With listening comes understanding and the end result produces learning. It’s important to teach your child listening skills and here’s the reasons why:
- Good listening skills gives them the ability to develop speech and language skills.
- It will help improve their ability to read and learn.
- It will give them the ability to follow verbal instructions at school.
- It will give them the ability to socialize and communicate effectively with others.
- Overall good listening skills will help them cope in general at home and at school.
Here’s a useful link of listening games that you can play with your child to help them with their listening skills – Listening Skills Games – Activities to Strengthen – Good Sensory Learning
Mar 30, 2023 | Blog
I doubt there’s one of us who at some stage or another hasn’t daydreamed of being a superhero….the definition of a superhero/superheroine according to Wikipedia is, ‘a stock (ordinary) character that typically possesses superpowers, abilities beyond those of ordinary people, and fits the role of the hero, typically using his or her powers to help the world become a better place, or dedicating themselves to protecting the public and fighting crime.’
Now we all know from the countless superhero stories we’ve been exposed to over the years, that the superhero is usually someone who is unassuming, down to earth and lives an ordinary life, but when their special powers kick in, become larger than life and strong enough to take on countless challenges. There are lessons that can be learnt from these fictional characters and applied to daily life, lessons which children especially find relatable……who can forget the famous line in one of the Spiderman movies; ‘’With great power comes great responsibility”….
Superheroes are strong in the face of danger – In life we all experience moments of danger, both physically and emotionally. Fear is a human response, however each of us possesses the power to rise above our fear and stand strong in the midst of threat. We often forget that the superpower we have is the help and support those around us.
Superheroes fight for a cause – They fight for what they believe in! If we believe in something and work hard at it, we have the power to achieve anything! The superpower we have is holding onto our dreams and never giving up on them regardless of how distant or impossible they seem.
Superheroes are not liked by everyone, they have enemies – From a young age we come to realise that not all people are going to like us. That some people have bad and evil intentions. Self-confidence gives us the power to brush off the negativity from others. The superpower we can draw on is knowing that we are special and unique, that the right people will love and appreciate us for who we are and that we can be good and do good in the midst of all that is bad and evil.
