How do you respond to a child who says, “leave me alone”? Do you get upset, raise an eyebrow and shout with assertive authority? Or do you step back and take a moment to try and understand the reasons why?
The challenge most of us, who have children or work with children is that we tend to think that by virtue of being the adult we should be respected because we know best. Well truth be told, in most cases mature, informed adults do know what’s best for children. However, there are situations when this is not the case. At times we eagerly jump in with a solution before taking the time to fully understanding the child’s view of the problem or situation they are facing.
I am sure you will agree this is especially so when we are stressed or pushed for time, we sometimes underestimate the importance of the ‘process’, rather focussing on the ‘outcome’, and in so doing deny the child learning opportunity necessary for their development.
It’s important that we not only hear the words spoken but pause to ‘listen’ to what is being said; to feel the emotion and ask questions to understand what lies behind the words. It often takes a lot of courage for children to say what they ‘really mean’ and the way we respond will impact whether they will feel comfortable and free to open up and share more with us. When we pause to listen, we provide children with the opportunity to calm down. Giving them the freedom to express themselves builds their confidence and in turn increases their trust in us. It’s not only about providing a solution but rather creating an atmosphere where children are free to express themselves and then together to work through and towards possible solutions, leaving the lines of communication open.
So, the next time a child says, “Leave me alone” …Consider one of the following replies:
- “I’ll give you some space for now. I’m here when you are ready to talk.”
- “I see you need some alone time. I’m close by if you want company.”
- “I’ll step back. Just let me know when you want to share what’s on your mind.”
- “I need to be alone too sometimes. Take all the time you need.”
- “I get it. Just know that I love you and you are safe.”